You know the part when you are very overtired and you feel like bursting in to tears and letting it all wash out because you just-can't-take-it-any-more?
- Someone at work who I work with really closely got very stressed herself yesterday and let it all out by shouting at me for about half an hour in a completly unreasonable way, about very unreasonable things (eg: she expects business requirements documents to all come out exactly right first time, with absolutely no input from her or any other stakeholders because it's *all* may responsibility, and it's not her job to have creative input in to decision making. Like - wtf kind of stupidity is that?)
- Went to have blood tests this morning as instructed, get doctor's letter, it's written to the consultant at the hosp, so the general impression there is that I've been stupid, and I should have seen a haemo first. Well, I followed the instructions I got from my GP, *and* I phoned Parkside in the week as well and they said the same thing. So I'm left looking stupid when it's not my fault and it puts me in yet more stress and a difficult position not really knowing what I'm supposed to do next. They don't even have any haemo appts available until after I'm in SF anyway. But the general point being that the nurse just shrugs and says "I have no idea whwther these are the complete set of tests that should be done, you might have to have more, we won't know until you see a Heamotologist".
- Phoned the Medical insurance people who told me that because it was only a referral letter from my GP, that the tests won't be paid for because it's still treated as NHS!!! I have to be referred by a Consultant. But all my PCOS stuff was referred by my GP, I don't understand - if I was seeing a consultant, why would I want to be referred? It's completly insane. Anyway the horrible, horrible upshot of this is that I'm now probably going to have to pay for these fucking tests, which are specialised and so probably will cost a fucking fortune, and I haven't got any spare money.
- More worries about staying at my friend Danny's the week after next - me being unexpectedly pregnant has made me very nervous about camping in his garden in case anything happens, but the only alternative is for me to pay for a hotel room on my own and feel lonely as fuck given that I'll be going to bed early every night on my own. Aaaargh I really wish I wasn't going but I can't not go now.
There are a few other money worries too which I'm in the process of eliminating so they no longer prey on my mind quite so much but all round I feel totally and unutterably like just throwing in the towel today and sobbing in the corner.
Anyway. I faxed an emergency letter over to the doc's office and I'll call them in a minute to follow it up, saying "We have to get me an appointment with a Haemo consultant FAST" or words to that effect. God knows what'll happen with that.
I might just go in the loo and cry to myself in a while. This sort of thing should not be happening. I'm supposed to be taking things easy.