Previous month:
June 2003
Next month:
August 2003

Ah, a new paranoia

Back of brain trying desperately to reach front of brain:

Why isn't she moving? I haven't felt her for hours! There's something wrong! there's something wrong!

Well. We'll see. In other pregnancy related shenanigans I at last gave in and bought a piece of "maternity wear". I am now the proud owner of a pair of jeans with a huge bucket like extra panel and stretchy sides. They hold themselves (surely this grammar is becoming tenuous) up by being so huge they stretch over the front of the belly completely, thus achieving a Hogarth-like Billy Bunter style trouser wearing look, with trews far stretched over a huge distended belly, high up almost to the armpits, and making me feel as if I should also have gout. Or be wearing braces and a small hat.

And I've also just had a load of watered down apple juice with super-wowee gubbins-what-is-good-for-you in with my lunch which has made me go a bit lightheaded.

Oh and I've been meaning to say this for absolutely ages and I keep forgetting. I am now at the stage where I literally loathe all smokers. All of them. Suppose you're walking next to a non-smoking woman who is pregnant and you're blowing smoke in to her face? Even worse if you're smoking a fucking cigarillo. How do you know she is pregnant? You don't necessarily. So the only answer is to NOT SMOKE AND BLOW YOUR SMOKE IN TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU'S FACES. Do you get it? Will you get defensive if I ask you to move rather than me coughing and wheezing and moving myself? Why I do believe you will. You will have to excuse me then if I start coughing in your face you INCONSIDERATE FUCKER.

(Note that the above is not in fact aimed at anyone I know at all - it's all people at train stations or waiting to cross roads of lighting up outside the damn tube station the *second* they get beyond the boundary, the pigfuckers).

....and relax.

Good news

Liz Stephens, who is the head of the home-based midwives based at St Georges is going to come over on Friday evening to discuss home birthing options.


And back in the office, almost immediately feeling more productive and happier all round. Which in some ways is slightly depressing. anyway, much to do after two days of zombie'd out afternoons of minimal effectiveness and general uselessness.


So the hospital cocked up with the second scan I was supposed to be having today for the pre-elampsia research they're doing (where they listen to *my* heart) and put me on the heart abnormality research scanning instead where they listen to munchkin's heart.

Which was a bit weird, but fair enough. Anyway. So I got to see her again today which cheered me up immensely this morning. I'm really down at the moment - generally tired, generally unmotivated and generally having to try and deal with a fairly extreme legal situation at work that makes me want to pull my hair out. Not only that but trying to manage a situation with a friend and a different friend who's so inundated with mail that he doesn't read my email - which put all of us in a very strained situation earlier today. I'm under so much stress and am presumably reacting very hormonally to the whole situation but I did feel like shouting "Get a grip" once or twice. or similar messages but with slightly more swearing.

Anyway. Jesus. There's more important stuff in the world. Like her, for example:

Continue reading "Scans" »


Taking a moral stand over something that's fairly heavy duty is certainly an interesting pickle to be in.

I think sprog must sense my disquiet. He's wriggling around like a snake in a sack.

...and no, I won't be discussing it in detail. Or in vague terms either, come to that.

I've drawn a blank

I'm extremely, extremely tired today for only marginally good reasons. got to sleep around 11 then woke up at the now normal 5.40. Dozed after that. I shall try getting to sleep at 10 today if that's feasible, and then waking up at 5.40 should see me refreshed and awake. Ahem.

But, meanwhile, I'm also very happy because I just bought a lovely birthday present for the Beloved. 'Tis his birthday tomorrow, and it's a very large box. I'm not quite sure if he actually reads this 'ere diary, having been completely freaked out by the last one (for understandable reasons) so for that reason I shall decline to say what it is.

For now, therefore I will return to the world of the half awake, as I attempt to get through the rest of the afternoon without yawning my head off every seven seconds. Impossible, sadly.

Know your onions

Particularly young, fresh, strong ones that should really have been destined to be pickled in vinegar.

I have now been sick with the pregnancy a grand total of twice (but please do not forget, gentle reader the *weeks* in which 24 hour a day nausea was the norm). After eating raw onion with my Indian meal tonight (a usual occurrence), within seconds I felt ill. Surprise and amazement followed as I began to feel *really* ill. I thought - get water... by the time I got to the miseral water stash I felt the need to go stand in the bathroom breathing slowly, and within about ten seconds the contents of my stomach were slooshing in the toilet.

After which I continued eating! Giving the onions a miss. Unsurprisingly.

Twenty weeks, by the way

I was going to say this over the weekend.

Half way through.

Well, more than half way through now. Time has been doing the strange "two track" action whereby it seems to rush by at the pace of a train (if I think of where I am now) or trundle along at the pace of an arthritic donkey (if I think back to March - which seems to be *decades* ago).

I became very aware of two track time when I was doing the MBA. Holy shit, we're 3/4's of the way through! I can't believe it! Do you remember Christmas 2000 before we started? Good god yes, wasn't that when I was but a mere youngster? (etc).

By the way, eventually I have got round to reading the McSweeneys short stories collection of "Fantastic Tales" - some of them are good, some of them are frankly not good. But seems to be about half worth the money thus far.