*Yawn* again

So. To begin.

I wanted to do this in January, and install MT myself because I wanted to learn about it, as well as start a diary / blog / whatever (ha, more on that particular debate at a later stage, I think). However it turned out that my job now entails me getting home at approx 9 every night and working most weekends or else zonking out. So sitting down for hours at a time cranking my brain in to action didn't seem likely although I clung, desperately to that hope for a couple of months.

Why now? Why has it been such a long gap between this one and the last one? For a long time I didn't actually have anything to say, about my life or anyone else's. The first one it turned out wanted me to say something very important, and seemed to let me come to terms with several rather horrible things that had happened in my past.

This one? This one is hopefully a whole bunch different.

Originally, in January, this was going to be primarily a central point for me to put up my experience of being pregnant. This after a miscarriage last year (the rather small "baby diary" on Babyworld tells the sad story, although it may be you have to join to see it which is a bit of a nuisance. I'll get the text and put it in a plain page somewhere).

Then I didn't get pregnant. Again and again. So I thought, well in which case it can be an every day blow by blow account of the miseries of *trying* to become pregnant and the effect it had on my everyday life (which it has had. Painfully, frankly).

But now, all of a sudden, it appears I am. I haven't worked out the days yet - it's something like, well, I'm on day 29 of my cycle today, and I ovulated 6 days earlier than normal and ovulated from my super-duff ovary (I have Polycystic ovaries. Very tiresome and not nice). So that makes, er... ok "it" came in to being on either the 9th or the 12th of March. So let's say 3 weeks on Wednesday.

I say "It" because I feel a hell of alot more pragmatic about things this time than the Ready-Brek-glow-girl who went through it last time. It's highly likely it won't happen. PCOS increases miscarriage liability, so we have to take it one day at a time and see what happens. I have to get to April 8th to see the Doc. According to my friends and allies on the PCOS list (god love 'em) I should have my progesterone checked. Although I would in no way suggest anyone took this as confident medical advice (covering myself here), Mary says: "Until the placenta takes over production at about 10-13 weeks, sometimes we need supplementation. For me, I used crinone, which was a cream suppository." Hmmm.. I'm going to phone the Doc's and see if I can push the appt to this week. There's no harm in it and I want to eliminate variables where I can.

Tarra (who I can only assume is pronounced "Tara" instead of the English version which would be a chirpy goodbye in the style of my Mother) also pointed out that there is a PCOlist for Pregnancy which I will now join of course, if only to fill my inbox with even more unread email.

Having now been writing for a good half an hour I'll leave any more discussion on this subject until tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I can only say that if things do gel, then thanks to the cosmic forces of "thing" that it conceived before this repulsive, morally corrupt and damaging war. Although the prospects for all of us living through the aftermath do not fill me with any great deal of hope.