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Just a nice little thing I wanted to pass on

Einstein's lard principle


My energy is equal to the amount of muscle I have available on my legs to cycle twice a day with.

I came up with what people pretending to be young folk would call "teh awesome" way to describe my not inconsiderable girth. It's my batteries!

So I think this actually is rather clever, and I'm feeling quite smug. Not only, right, ok, was I able to explain the basic principles behind the exchange of energy into mass and back, but I also managed to dissipate a nascent negativity that Nora was building toward my body (and ergo, I imagine, fatness in general - it's never surprising how quickly children can decide that something is by default Bad, and to be taken the piss out of). Well. Parts of my body - specifically, my abdomen.

Surely this deserves some sort of medal!

Anyway, after explaining that I was going to now use up all the energy I had stored on my body, like some kind of superannuated hamster, I discover that after 120 miles of cycling, unsurprisingly, that is actually true. The trousers I bought in a sale that were verging on the too tight a couple of weeks ago (which panicked the fuck out of me, because they were already 1 size above what I thought was my absolute "no fucking way am I going to be above size 18" limit) now fit! You know, like, comfortably, and everyfink!

This is not a miracle of science, but a clear demonstration of Einstein's theory, obviously. I have been using my batteries. Just to note, by the way, I have not varied my already exemplary diet one iota. Well, actually that's cobblers. I've been twiddling with the brand new hoopy doopy SN craze, Gyminee. I don't really have a problem with anyone seeing my diet. I think I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with people seeing my weight, except I don't know what it is since I never weight myself. This is the cut and thrust of what I eat, most regularly. I must warn you. It is very boring.

  • Breakfast: Bran flakes with some oats, linseeds, sunflower seeds and raisins shaken on; semi-skimmed Goat's milk and a dollop of sheep's milk yoghurt.
  • Snack in morning: A couple of apples
  • Lunch: Salad bits, like some cucumber, a few radishes, cherry tomatoes, a small carrot (that sort of thing) plus wholemeal sandwich made with vegetarian pulse based pate and fresh basil leaves, with a scrape of french mustard (sounds great doesn't it? Try having it every single day. Sometimes the lack of decent sandwich fillings makes me want to shoot myself)
  • Afternoon snack: ok, I often screw up here but basically it's usually an apple. Average twice a week it's a muffin.
  • Tea: Pulse based stew or similar

So that's my day. Just how many fucking calories could I shave off that food stack?!? and that's me NOT dieting.  It's insane. Of course it doesn't have "the occasionals" in there: about once a fortnight I stuff a fucking lovely 70%+ bar of dark chocolate in to my gob over the course of a day... er... oh yeah, and I have couple of the biscuits I make for James when I get home. You might well ask why the hell I'm fat. Well. 2 reasons: 1) the metabolic rate of a slug (no exercise and a sedentary job), and 2) a slightly skewed system as a result of Polycystic ovaries.

So what's fairly conclusively missing in that diet? Protein, my friends. for someone who has cycled 120 miles recently, I seriously need to up my protein quotient. That's what Gyminee is doing for me, and it's damned useful. For me, and I would surmise, for most vegetarians, the key metrics are not really the actual tonnage of what you're eating (unless you sit there eating a tub of Haagan Dasz daily) but the ratio of protein to carbs. If you looked at the protein/carbs ratio of a healthy eating meat eater, it's way closer to 1 to 3 or 5. The above, on Gyminee gave me a protein/carbs ratio of something like 1/20. That's fucked up dudes!

So. In the short term before more thought has been placed on the problem, it's (singularly horrible) egg sandwiches for lunch. Front loading the day with the protein also means being less totally knackered by the time I get home on the bike (I'm hoping). Protein sticks around as an energy source way longer than complex carbs, and heh, my "batteries" are all very well, and I am using 'em, but I was a bit fed up with having to go to bed at 9 the other night through sheer exhaustion. If you're muscle building, you need protein. Basically.

Still, screw the exhaustion, I can fit in to my trousers!

Here's to being able to access a hell of alot more of my stored wardrobe by the end of this year.