Doing the 50km bike ride
I 'made' a thing

I'll become the tree

James said something the other night which is all part of him reaching more understanding of what happens, why it happens, and what will happen... in terms of death.


Yes my lovely?

-When I die, will I lie next to you in the ground?

(Heart crumbles in to pieces, internal jaw is peeled off the floor of my brain and I search for the right answer, desperately).

The answer is to talk about when I die, they'll put me in the ground and plant a tree on top of me, so the tree will suck me up and I'll become the tree. The tree will be me and you can sit under me, and come and visit. You could even use me to make furniture out of, and sit down on me! A long, long time later you can, of course you can be next to me.

-And I'll be on one side, and Nora on the other, and Daddy on the top?

My lovely boy, of course. But it won't happen for a long, long time.

Heh. Maybe.

It's the first time he's mentioned death for ages though. For a while, he would bring it up alot, trying to get around Grandad John not being around, why Nora remembers him but he doesn't, and why he died. It was fine for him to ask those questions, and I never minded answering but it was a little bit wearing after a while. I think now he's sort of got his head around it a bit more, albeit in a somewhat extreme fashion.